"Hello wherever you are."—Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Well damn and howdy.  It would seem that I have unintentionally gathered up a whole new slew of readers from a source that shall remain nameless.

You know who you are.

Let me guess… you’re reading my words and having a bit of a snicker.  Go ahead, my writing is intentionally laced with dark humor and intended to tickle the funny-bones of those who read it — either because they understand it or they think I’m ludicrous. 

Reading someone’s blog is a bit like watching a fish in a bowl.  You can silently watch the fish swim about, getting tickled by the bubbles coming out of the little treasure chest.  You can have a laugh when he bonks his face into the plastic diver or coral reef.  You get a thrill out of him feeding on the smaller fish, or getting chased by the larger ones.  It’s even a hoot to make comments about his markings and coloration… "Whooo-wee Helen, he sho’ does have some funny looking fins".

Really, if I didn’t want anyone to see what is written here, I wouldn’t make it visible to the public.  I’d password protect it, or even better yet I’d go back to the cro-magnon method of writing things down on paper.  With an actual pencil.  How barbaric.  No, I write mostly for my own amusement, knowing that I have an audience — neither one, nor a thousand pairs of eyes make any difference to me.

I also have enough scruples not to write any painfully detailed information about anyone… or any place of importance.  If I have something to say in that regard, I remain painfully vague about the specifics, and the target audience (if there is one) will know what I’m talking about.  No, you will get no real juicy details about anyone but me, and only then what I want to reveal… which coincidentally happens to be a fair amount.

Which leads me to my next point.  You see, if you are reading my babblings here, you aren’t really finding out much about me except what I post.  Selective bits.  Really, I have no use for anyone who won’t bother to get to know me in the most courteous method.  Talking to me.  I love to talk to people, interaction on a level playing field is the grandest way to learn about someone, find out what makes them tick and show them a modicum of respect.  Hearsay is suspect and shallow.  It leads to rumor mongering, and inventing or spreading rumors is reserved for the residents of the shallowest end of the intellectual gene pool.  If your mind and eyes are closed, then you should go ahead and lie down in a hole and pull the dirt in after you.  This is, of course, assuming that you care to know more about a person.  If not, you have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be held against you.

I know that I might spout off some outlandish things from time to time.  Some, if not most of you will be amused or moved by my words, and a portion of you might be offended.  To those with more delicate sensibilities, I direct you to my disclaimer.  Just remember, you exorcized your right and free-will and came here of your own volition.  If you get upset, you have no one to blame but yourself.

One parting bit of wisdom to the newly arrived.  While an individual’s blog is like watching a fish in a bowl, in the case of blogs, the fish is watching back.  And he never, ever blinks.  Be careful whose bowl you tap on, you might get tapped back.