Southern Biscuits – Alton Brown

  • 375 GR flour
  • 2 TBS baking powder
  • ⅜ TSP baking soda
  • ½ TSP salt (1 TSP if using shortening)
  • 3 TBS butter (cold)
  • 3 TBS bacon fat or shortening (cold)
  • 12 OZ buttermilk (chilled)

Oven: 450° F

  1. Stack two sheet pans together to help slow down the browning of the biscuit bottoms. Line with parchment paper.
  2. In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Using your fingertips, rub butter and bacon fat or shortening into dry ingredients until mixture looks like crumbs. (The faster the better, you don’t want the fats to melt).
  3. Make a well in the center and pour in ~6 OZ of the chilled buttermilk. Stir just until the dough comes together. The dough will be very sticky. Add more of the chilled buttermilk if it seems too dry.
  4. Turn dough onto floured surface, dust top with flour and gently fold dough over on itself 5 or 6 times.
  5. Press into a ¾” thick round. Cut out biscuits with a 2½” hexagonal cutter, being sure to push straight down through the dough. Place biscuits on stacked sheet pans so that they almost touch.
  6. Reform scrap dough, working it as little as possible and continue cutting.
    • Biscuits from the second pass will not be quite as light as those from the first, but hey, that’s life.
  7. Brush tops lightly with buttermilk.
  8. Bake until biscuits are tall and light gold on top, 15 to 20 minutes.

Yields ~12 biscuits.

A Few Updates.

A few things worthy of note to report ’round these parts:

The Bakers Bill, not quite in it’s original form, was passed thanks to an 11th hour Hail Mary from some dedicated folks in the Texas Legislature.  After it died in the House, they snuck that bugger in as an amendment to a Senate bill, which was then approved by both the House and the Senate.

There were some serious shenanigans, though, on the part of the Harris County Department of Health who said that they would have their friends in the Senate beat the bill down like a dog that crapped on the carpet if the Cottage Foods portion of the bill didn’t omit four little words: “and at farmer’s markets”.  Those four little words, while not completely diminishing the effectiveness of the bill, did put a serious damper on where Cottage Food can be sold… namely only from the home of the maker.  Having said all that, the bill did pass, and it’s a huge foot in the door.  The same folks who fought so hard to get this bill passed, are going to use that foot in the door to kick it open a little wider in two years.  They are going to expand the language of the law, and whittle away at the limitations.  Expect me to start making noise about it when the time comes.

So, now having the legal right to operate above board and in the open, Curious Confections is now Curious Confections LLC, complete with an EIN number, and soon to be tax ID.  We can open a commercial bank account and accept payment made to the company name.  We’ll be able to buy materials wholesale — that’s just dangerous right there.  *grins* We can advertise online, list prices, and get our name out there without fear.

Beyond the bill and Curious Confections (LLC), we’ve been having a ball with the pup.  Esme’s growing up to be a very sweet, if not energetic, bundle of fuzz.  She’s edged a little over 40 pounds, and at 8 months old, she’s likely not far from her final size.  She’s lean and long legged, and runs like a bat out of hell when she gets a wild hair up her ass… them promptly passes out on the kitchen floor under the fan for 5 minutes to recharge her batteries.  If we sit still long enough, she flops onto our feet and catches some Z’s (she’s using my feet as a pillow as I write this)  — this dog loves her some contact with her people.  Since I’m a horrible dog papa, I don’t take nearly as many pictures as Sweets does, so I’ll direct you to her gallery of pics of the pup for some cockle warming adorableness.  I will, however, just leave this lying here:

Cute as can be.

In other news, after 6 years I’m starting to feel like I’m getting some of my creative spark back.  I’m not to pre-storm levels, but my drive to get off my ass and make shit is definitely in gear.  I’ve replaced a bunch of the power tools I lost in the storm, and I’m currently making six bookshelves for the living room.  Of course, I don’t want to put them in until I paint the living room.  Of course, I don’t want to paint the walls until I scrape all the obnoxious popcorn texture off the ceiling, patch a few cracks, re-texture with something pleasant, and paint that.  Of course, once all that’s done, I’d love to replace all the painted baseboard and door molding with new, natural wood molding… oh, and add crown molding while I’m at it.  Yeah, “Sir Stuff” is definitely making a comeback, and he’s not fucking around, is he?

More than just woodworking is on my plate.  I’m dabbling in watercolors again, making art for my mead and wine labels, and I’m working on some charcoal rubbings as well.  I’m also starting to make mats and frames for the mountain of prints/posters/art I’ve collected these last six years (ok, that’s some woodworking too).

I’m not the only one with a creative drive in this household, either.  Sweets has been a crafting whirlwind, trying things she’s not had a chance to, or hasn’t done in a long time.  I’m also teaching her how to do some basic woodworking as well, and getting her familiar and comfortable with the tools.  I expect to find her out there building shit on her own before long, and that’s just dandy.

Aaaand, I’m done.  Save some stuff for other posts, or it’ll be months before I post again.

Y’all stay sane.

The Texas Baker’s Bill… Last Gasp!

After fearing the Cottage Food Bill was dead in the House, turns out it’s still gasping for air!  It has actually passed the House, and is in the Senate as bill # SB 81, and has apparently gone round and round a few times already for amendments.  The unfortunate part is that we have less than a week for the Senate to pass it, or the legislative session will end and it’ll really be dead, not to be brought up again for another 2 years.

So, as before, I’m practically begging everyone to call and/or email your Senator and ask that they support SB 81 — specifically supporting it “as is” with the current crop of amendments, as there is little to no time to make any more.  The passing of this bill is the best chance for Sweets to get a legal baking business off the ground without having to scrape up  thousands of dollars in additional fees.  If you would like to help, I ask that you do so very, very soon.

Find out who your Senator is HERE.  More info on the progress of the bill is HERE.

Barbecue Sauce – Lear

  • 2 C water
  • ½ C apple cider vinegar
  • ½ C dark molasses
  • ½ C stock
  • 6 OZ canned tomato paste
  • 1 TBS yellow mustard
  • ⅔ C brown sugar (packed)
  • 1½ TSP liquid smoke
  • 2 TSP salt
  • 2 TSP pepper
  • 1 TBS Worcestershire Sauce
  • 1 TSP chili powder
  • 1 TSP onion powder
  • 1 TSP garlic powder
  • 1 TSP paprika
  • Combine all of the ingredients for the sauce in a medium saucepan over medium heat.
  • When it comes to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring often, for 45 to 60 minutes or until sauce is thick.

Barbecue Dry Rub – Lear

  • 2 TBS paprika
  • 2 TBS kosher salt
  • 3 TBS raw sugar
  • 2 TBS raw brown sugar
  • 1 TBS ground cumin
  • ½ TBS chili powder
  • 1 TBS freshly ground black pepper
  • ½ TSP cayenne pepper
  • 1 TBS onion powder
  • 1 TBS garlic powder
  • 1 TBS celery salt
  • 1 TSP dried oregano
  • 1 TBS coriander
  1. Combine ingredients and apply to meat.
  2. Good for ~2 racks of ribs or a small brisket.

Barbecue Dark Beer Mop

  • ½ LG red onion (minced)
  • 6 cloves garlic (minced)
  • 2 serrano chilies (seeded and minced)
  • 2 bottles of dark beer
  • 1 OZ dark brown sugar
  • 2 bay leaves
  • Salt and freshly ground pepper (to taste)
  1. Place all ingredients in a medium saucepan, season with salt and pepper and cook over medium heat for 15 minutes.
  2. Remove from the heat and let cool slightly.

Barbecue Dry Rub – Lutz

  • 1½ C brown sugar
  • 1½ TBS garlic powder
  • 1 TBS kosher salt
  • ½ TSP cayenne pepper
  • 2 TBS lemon pepper
  • 1½ TSP chili powder
  • 1 TSP black pepper
  • This is a good all-purpose rub, but is especially well suited to brisket. Mix, rub thick and let set. This volume of rub barely covers 1 large full brisket. If you don’t have the full brisket, this will do fine.
  • Using this recipe as-is, there is little pepper taste or heat to the meat – adjust as needed. Also, it tends to be lacking in salt, play with that – get your flavor to taste before adjusting the salt, it should taste too salty but remember that cooks off with the grease. If you are not brining the meat, you may not need to adjust the salt higher.

Barbecue Sauce (Mildly Spicy)

  • 1 TBS Canola Oil
  • ½ onion (minced fine)
  • 4 cloves garlic (minced fine)
  • 1 C catsup
  • ¼ C brown sugar
  • 4 TBS Distilled Vinegar (less to taste)
  • 1 TBS Worcestershire sauce
  • 4 OZ molasses
  • 2 TBS chipotle adobo sauce (the sauce in cans of “chipotle peppers packed in adobo sauce”)
  • Dash Salt
  1. Heat canola oil in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Add onion and garlic, and cook for five minutes or until clear and tender, stirring, being careful not to burn.
  2. Reduce heat to low. Add all remaining ingredients and stir.
  3. Allow to simmer 20-30 minutes.
  4. Taste after simmering and adjust whatever ingredient it needs (more spice, more brown sugar to cut the spiciness, salt, etc.)

Yields 1 pint of sauce.

Barbecue Brine – MTM

  • 3 QT hot water
  • 1½ QT cool water
  • 3 QT ice cubes
  • 16 OZ blackstrap molasses
  • 1 LB kosher salt (by weight)
  1. Combine the hot water (you don’t have to boil it, just get it hot enough to easily dissolve the salt – just before simmering) and kosher salt, and stir until the salt dissolves completely.
  2. Add the molasses, stirring to combine.
  3. Add the cool water and stir.
  4. Add the ice and stir until the ice is dissolved and the mixture is cool.
  5. Add the meat to your brining vessel of choice and pour in the brine, covering the meat. If necessary, weigh down the meat to ensure that it is fully immersed in the brine.
  6. Cover and set in a cool dry place for approximately 10-12 hours (less for smaller volumes of meat).
  7. Remove the meat from the brine, rinse and pat dry. Allow to sit at room temperature for at least 1 hour prior to cooking.

This brine is perfect for beef and pork.

Suggestions for brining vessels:

  • A 5-gallon bucket placed in an ice-chest surrounded by ice, or in a large fridge works very well.
  • Doubled-up disposable turkey oven bags (or 20 QT garbage bags) will fit the 5-gallon bucket perfectly and avoid the need to scrub and sanitize after. If you triple-up the garbage bags, it’s strong enough to put the whole thing in a cooler without the 5-gallon bucket and cover directly in ice.