It’s October, and October means two things… Halloween and Ren Faire — not necessarily in that order.\u00a0 We’ve pulled the boxes of Halloween decorations down from the attic and started rummaging through them.\u00a0 The living room is a glorious mess.<\/p>\n
Since the storm 4+ years ago I haven’t had the same manic motivation for Halloween that I have always had.\u00a0 Maybe it was knocked out of me by depression, maybe my brain was too busy operating in life-support mode to devote the neural energies toward it.\u00a0 Maybe seeing those containers of useless Halloween decorations stacked on the lawn of my shattered house — my shattered life — perfectly intact next to the ruins of the rest of my possessions, the things that I would have happily traded every Halloween for the previous decade to have back, evidence of a lifetime of living… maybe that banished Halloween from my soul.<\/p>\n
Lady said it best at the time:<\/p>\n
I wanted to set those containers of Christmas and Halloween decorations on fire, seeing them sitting there on the lawn while we dredged through the ruined remains of the house.\u00a0 Fat load of good they were to us, and a reminder of all the useful things we lost.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
But regardless, we took them with us.\u00a0 They were still reminders of good times gone by, every bit as useful in that regard as the photographs we lost.\u00a0 How can you not go through your Christmas decorations and not<\/em> remember when you got an ornament, or who gave you that star for the tree?<\/p>\n
Two years ago I took part in staging Halloween with my friends who were hosting a party at their place.\u00a0 I summoned the energy and as much enthusiasm as I could muster and built lots of great props and things, but I was still underwhelmed regardless.\u00a0 The enthusiasm was more for the creative outlet than for Halloween, but it didn’t quite gel for me.\u00a0 I felt out of sync with the occasion.\u00a0 It felt like I had doused the flame further, rather than rekindling it.<\/p>\n
Last year was the first year I actually took the decorations down from the attic and put a few out, but nothing like years past.\u00a0 For some reason those containers of decorations seemed so large, and yet so full of stuff that I couldn’t be bothered to put out for the holiday, to make my home festive for the time of tear I looked forward to more than any other.\u00a0 So many cheap and cheesy baubles, almost embarrassing for a guy pushing 40 to have around.\u00a0 So many lights that would be more of a hassle to hang and take down, than to enjoy while they were up.\u00a0 And what for?\u00a0 No party of my own to decorate for… no constant stream of people coming around on the weekends during the month of October to enjoy it with me, to share my juvenile enthusiasm.<\/p>\n
Last year I was a passive participant in the Halloween party, dressing up and showing up but not contributing.\u00a0 The energy still wasn’t there.\u00a0 It was just another day.<\/p>\n
But I saw a glimmer, somewhere deep down in the darkness.\u00a0 There was something there, it was weak and faint — but it was there<\/em>.<\/p>\n