{"id":114,"date":"2005-08-28T16:09:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-28T21:09:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2005-08-28T16:09:00","modified_gmt":"2005-08-28T21:09:00","slug":"95","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/95","title":{"rendered":"I like a sloppy blowjob as much as the next guy…"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, here I sit in a hotel in Houston Teyhas.  Katrina is bearing down on the Gulf Coast — New Orleans almost specifically — like Lena the Hyena<\/b><\/a> in full lust-run after a cock proprietor.  I feel like I’m waiting for some Supreme Being to sneeze and accidentally tip his water glass into the saucer that is our city.<\/p>\n

The house is boarded up tighter than a hummingbird’s tweet.  All potential projectiles have been removed from the yard and if whatever’s left can be easily picked up and hurled as a missile by the wind, then there likely won’t be a house left standing to be hit by it.  I have no trees on my property to knock down but there are a plethora of trees all around me, and that makes me a bit nervous… specifically that pine tree with a huge branch precariously dangling right over my garage like the sword of Damocles.  Note to self, if my house and property aren’t destroyed when I get back and if that branch hadn’t already succumbed to gravity, I need to cut that bitch and a number of others back.  You children reading along knew you could do that right… you can trim your neighbor’s trees back up to 6′ beyond your property line without getting in any trouble?  There.  You’ve learned something valuable today.<\/p>\n

I’m glad that those of you who Got-The-Fuck-Out<\/b>™ actually did so.  Those of you who didn’t, and still make it through this rigmarole should be severely thrashed with a Water Noodle and then held tight and reminded that even though you are a king-moron, we still love you, and we will end you with our own hands if you do it again.<\/p>\n

I’m quietly concerned about a lot of things right now, but I’m comforted by the thought that whatever may happen to the THINGS I own, I am safe high and dry with the most important person in my life who is also safe, high and dry.  I am being kept company by some very good friends who Got-The-Fuck-Out<\/b>™ with us.  I am not a religious man, so I am spending millions in karmic currency at this very moment, all that I’ve managed to save up over the years, hoping for the unscathed emergence of those I love who have stayed behind.<\/p>\n

Good luck, good speed and the first round of drinks are on me when we get home.  We’re gonna\u2019 need it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, here I sit in a hotel in Houston Teyhas.  Katrina is bearing down on the Gulf Coast — New Orleans almost specifically — like Lena the Hyena in full lust-run after a cock proprietor.  I feel like I’m waiting for some Supreme Being to sneeze and accidentally tip his water glass into the saucer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=114"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/114\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dmentd.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}