Here I am, the front man, administrator and one of four people who operate a public LANParty known as the Geek-O-Rama. I’m faced with a metric ass-ton of inner turmoil. I’m a man divided.
I’ve been doing this LANParty thing for, jeez, more years than I care to count – the last three being open to the public – each event spaced out about every two months or so. I didn’t set out to make my fortune while running these events – my greatest hope was to break even and have some extra cash left over to increase and update my networking and server equipment. Pretty much everything we have been working with is either computers and equipment I already owned or scrounged, donated for temporary use, or I had a few pennies to rub together after an event and used them to buy what I needed. We host the events at a local hotel and have never seemed to break the 40-ish person mark. My ultimate goal was to bring together and build the local gaming community and have a little fun at the same time.
Here’s my dilemma.
On the one hand…
Attendance. It’s dwindling. People are getting burnt-out on the whole dismantle-and-drag-around thing. There aren’t enough people in this city who attend LANParties to be able to have folks cycle in and out of attendance. There’s nowhere around here to really advertise the events – no real "gaming" shops aside from Babbages and Electronics Boutique, and they won’t let us post any flyers – the bastards, a sprinkling of comic shops, and the massive papering we’ve done on all the local campuses is for naught. All other efforts yield nada as well. It’s not for a lack of trying. If nobody comes to the events, we can’t pay for the events, we don’t have more events. Simple math, really.
Competition. There is one other public LANParty in town. If you’ll remember what I said above, there ain’t enough people to go around. Now, this other LANPary has a different goal than we do. They want to become the "pro-circuit" event. They want to be CPL qualifiers and have the massive tournaments and attract all the foaming-at-the-mouth über competitive gamers and blah, blah, blah. I, on the other hand want an event that attracts people that want to come and play, regardless of skill level, regardless of the game.
Attitude. I like folks that enjoy gaming for shits and grins, not merely for the dick-stroking thrill of victory and huge cash prizes. Gamers that are willing to give a new title or mod a try. Quite frankly, I’ve developed a big chip on my shoulder with regard to CounterStrike. CounterStrike is the only game that has nearly caused my attendees to come to blows. The really good players take themselves way too seriously, refuse to play anything else, and will be belligerent, rude and mope if you don’t have a tournament. If a game stops being fun, I stop running the server for it. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you don’t earn the right to laugh at others. I mean, c’mon, what’s funnier (or more pathetic) than sitting behind a monitor pretending to be the person in the game. We’re all guilty of it and we all enjoy it so damned much. Lighten up people, life’s too short to go through it without trying new things, or having a few laughs.
Weariness. Let’s face it, this shit can get old after a while. I have five computers – sometimes six – that I have to break down, load into the car, unload from the car, haul into a hotel, reassemble, run for fourteen hours, break down again, load into the car again, unload from the car again. haul back into the house and reassemble… again. Add to that list about ten containers of miscellaneous gear, a dry-erase board, prizes, a 150-pound power distribution unit and other bric-a-brac. All of this gets done by four people with the occasional help (and I thank all-that-I-don’t-believe-is-holy that I have those folks that do help). Aside from the physical aspect there is also planning the event, updating the servers (hardware, software, new games, patches and mods for the games), running the servers during the event and running the tournaments too. We really don’t have a lot of help in this department… I once had someone help me with the servers. For one event. He then got busy and distracted and I was on my own again. What I really need are people who will not only be there the one or two times, or at the beginning and end of an event, but to be there in the two or so months in-between. Dedicated folks who want to help… a lot. So far, I’ve had one offer. Not a whole lot of people standing in line to help. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Time. Two months may seem like a long time to prepare for a decent event, but between work and sleep (what little I get) it’s a hard choice to make between preparing for the event and having a real life. I forget what my friends look like after a while. It gets real hard to motivate yourself when you have little assistance and a houseful of shit to move looming in your future.
Summation: A lot of damned work, hassle, research and bullshit for very little return. Spiritually, financially or satisfactorily.
On the other hand…
When the event goes juuuust right and everything gels, it’s like magic. I feel like a wizard of the highest magnitude who just performed the spell of a lifetime. There is a full house, everyone has a great time, the tournaments go off without a hitch and all is well with the world. It makes all the pain and hassle seem worth it. Seem.
I’m weary. The wind is out of my sails, I’ve lost my spark and am rapidly losing my taste for it. I can’t motivate myself to think about the next possible event. We haven’t even set a date.
I’ve got a hard decision ahead of me concerning the future of the events, or the lack thereof.
*sigh*
Chalk another failed venture up on my board. Shit. I’m running out of chalk.