The world has reached the end of another year, and like a good cigar, it’s time to snuff it out. Of course, we light another in its stead.
It’s a bloody miracle that things didn’t go more wrong with world affairs than they did — and there was potential for gargantuan fuck-ups on all sides of the fence.
We picked a fight, whether it was right are wrong, and have had the balls to stand and deliver on our schoolyard threats. We’ve wrangled up one bully and his thug-like chums, with more mopping up to do in other neighborhoods and school districts in the very near future. All told so far we’ve lost 339 of our best and bravest in the desert, but thanks to better living through technology that is a considerable improvement over the 405,399 we lost in World War II.
Michael Jackson is finally getting the attention he deserves. I don’t care if it’s for poking his willy at a kid, or the EPA comes down on him for polluting the environment with the plastic emissions from his ugly, stretched, obviously crafted by a blind amputee, face. He should be burned alive in that Mary Shelley-esque mansion of his. Toss a few of his precious menagerie on top to enjoy after the flames have died down — I hear giraffe tastes like chicken. Maybe we can feed Jacko to that lovely German cannibal fellow.
The Space Shuttle Columbia went up like a roman candle. What a waste. They could have waited till tonight — December 31, 2003 at midnight to light it up. Imagine the pyrotechnic lightshow from that… better than the Great White concert.
The "Governator", assisted by his campaign manager Sarah Conner, took office in the "shaky state". He won after successfully freezing, then plunging Gray Davis into a vat of molten recall votes.
A considerable amount of the northwest US and Canada lost power for an extended period of time. Apparently Richard Gere was "borrowing" the hamster for a bit.
Well hell. I could go on for a considerable amount of time, and have on numerous occasions. I think I’ll stop right about here.
I do, however want to wish everyone a wonderful and safe New Year’s Eve. Please, oh please try not to set yourselves on fire. Unless someone has a camera ready. I want to laugh heartily at your smoldering corpse for years to come.
Let’s hope that the coming year holds a few good surprises in store. I can laugh at the bad news all day long, but I’d rather rejoice in some genuine mirth-worthy events.
Safe journey to you all.
well Sorry I misse dout on the explosions and implosions and bomb-diggety bombing and dancing and singing and kissing giraffes, but my superhero duties called. Which super hero abilities you ask? i have no i dea but they said i would find them at work, so there I sat for 12 hours. and drooled and watched Karate Kid. Bonzai!!! Hope everyone has a happy and wonderful new year. And I hope to see all of you soon for the busting open housewarming party for the new P.Scoop shanty. I assure you we will be drunk or we will die trying.