Hey.
How’ve you been?
It’s been a while.
Yeah, you’re right… this is a little awkward. I can only hope we’ll warm back up to the conversation we left dangling oh, so long ago.
So, the story so far:
I have a wonderful wife, great house and fantastic friends. Work’s a treat, the family is (mostly) just dandy.
Money is tight and getting tighter through random acts of stupidity. My brain has had all it can stand and rather than do something productive about it, has basically put the blinders back on.
Mild sadness compounded by an even milder depression has descended upon me. I’m a walking contradiction some days, an outright lie others and just dandy in between. Every so often my paranoid side taps me on the shoulder, cups it’s mouth to my ear and proceeds to whisper evil, sharp little barbs that stir up dust in the irrational cortex of my brain.
My self-image is a little tattered and is getting more threadbare by the day. Once again, my brain has adopted the same attitude about this as it has about money — if I metaphorically put my hands over my eyes, I can’t see the problem, and therefore it goes away.
Rest escapes me. My schedule is off just enough that while I’m not getting to bed too late, I’ve been doing it so long that I can’t catch up. Quite frankly, I’m of the opinion that I’m subconsciously doing it to myself but haven’t bothered to leave a manifesto pinned to the door of my mind with a Bowie knife. If I ever get my hands on my subconscious, I’m going to kick it square in the balls.
I’m managing to distract myself with comics and 80’s music. The borderline obsessive drive to collect and organize both has kept my mind quite occupied.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m nowhere near eating a bullet or delivering one (or more) at high speeds into anyone else. I’ve hit a low point, as we all inevitably do now and again. This too shall pass… eventually. That doesn’t mean I’m any less inclined to be feeling this way, even armed with that logical little gem. And this is all despite the best efforts of the people around me who have both knowingly and unconsciously tried to buoy me up.
Thus endeth the mope-of-the-moment. Maybe next time I’ll be entertainingly angry or ranty at something or someone.