Well, after an eternity of putting it off I’ve finally decided to go through the huge cache of computer parts I’ve been slowly gathering over the years. I’m keeping the bare minimum that I could conceivably put to some profitable use in my business and selling the rest off on eBay by the lot. Or, in the case of not selling it, putting it out for Goodwill or Bridgehouse to come and collect in exchange for a tax-write-off for me.
In any case, I’ve just given myself the fast-track-crash-course in "How to sell shit on eBay." I’ve got 20 auctions going as we speak. Damn, that was a lot of crap to photograph, catalog, write up descriptions and fine-tune. I spent two straight, very full days doing just that. I even set up a makeshift photography studio in the living room. I know, I’m OCD to the core.
I spent the three days prior going through crate after crate of computer equipment. Some of this gear is Smithsonian grade. I mean, they found a few of these VGA cards right next to the Rosetta Stone when they dug that sucker up. Mind you, there’s bound to be someone out there who can give them a good home, regardless of the age… there are other people who, unlike me, put their pack-ratted computer gear to work. Sure, I use some of it, but not much of the older stuff anymore. You watch, there’s gonna’ be some 15 year-old kid in Topeka, Kansas that’s gonna’ assemble a new, more efficient combine harvester that will run on collected oxygen and till crops in the desert for pennies a day — and he’ll do it with that old Pentium 100 he bought from me.
Well, at any rate all I should have to do for the next 7 days is baby-sit these auctions and prepare to package and ship anything that actually gets sold. Joy.
Actually, the Rosetta stone wasn’t really dug up so much as it was found.
See, this French fellow by the name of Napoleon had just captured the Nile Delta. Not long after that, a soldier of his (Captain Bouchard) found the stone while overseeing some construction in Fort Julien near Rosetta, a port city on the Nile.
Everyone knows that.
Actually, I really don’t give two shits if it was dug up, found, or delivered directly into ol’ Abe Lincoln’s hands by a zany band of space aliens looking to help our race find a solution to end all wars. Frankly it isn’t relevant in the light that it was being used as a literary prop to support a humorous statement, and I dearly hope you’ll forgive me for not bothering to do a few minutes of research to be 100% accurate as I’m pretty goddamned sure everyone got the fucking point of the joke.
Is there any other of my inaccuracies or flaws you’d care to point out? How about ridiculing my horrible memory? Take a poke at me because I’m overweight? My nose is a bit crooked… you could have a laugh at that if you like. Or are you just in the mood to fuck around with my writing skills? Hey, I’ve got it! You and Snap love to make fun of my heavy hand with comma use… you could humiliate me by pointing out all my comma splices! Yeah, that’s and oldie, but a goodie, and the crowd loves that, can’t you see? There, that last sentence ought to give you enough material to have them rolling in the aisles.
After all that, maybe I can make fun of your new 60-minute molehill-into-mountain racket. I think you’re overreacting.
For one thing, it’s not like I accidentally ran over your favorite squirrel or something.
For another, nothing I said was meant to "ridicule," "take a poke at," or "humiliate" you.
I purposely left out "fuck around with," because that’s exactly what I was doing — fucking around with you. Is that a first? "I’m pretty goddamned sure everyone got the fucking point" that I was just being a tool. I can’t believe you’d be shocked or offended at that, but I’m sorry that you are.
Yeah, well, if anyone is owed an apology it is you. Without really getting into it, this was not the best morning for me to feel belittled or stupid. I was already in a very fucked up state of mind, and yes, I overreacted to the Nth degree.
Being corrected, even in jest, but especially for something insignificant usually doesn’t sit well with me but I can usually consider the source and either laugh at it for what it is or blow it off. You’d think I’d see it coming a mile away from you — and usually I can — but my nerves were already raw and I had no context filter to cushion what I perceived was a direct blow. I lost my cool and made a big deal out of nothing.
For that I apologize.
And I will whole-heartedly agree with you 100%. You most certainly are, as you put it, a "tool". That is evident upon first impression. Embrace your destiny.
It ain’t, as they say, nuthin’ but a thang.
If I ever humiliated you by making fun of any comma splices, let me apologize for that right now.
I have no damn recollection of that, but then again, I don’t remember half the shit I say. Feel free to make fun of my bad memory at this point, Stuff. I’ll readily admit to not being able to remember jack shit.
I don’t really appreciate being included in this lover’s tiff between you two, but since it’s already been done, I have to say that you’ve both been troopers about the whole thing. Real troupers.
Oh, I forgot to ask, what’s your user name on eBay? As long as you’re not selling any teapots or oddly painted jars I’d like to check this stuff out. Not necessarily to bid, but more to see just how OCD this picture taking actually was.
Just do a search in the Computers section for "Rosetta Stone video cards." 🙂
Snap, I wouldn’t want you to feel like you were never included in anything. No man left behind and all that.
My eBay user name is dmentd_in_nola. You won’t find anything under "Rosetta Stone video cards"… after having my horrible error rubbed painfully in my face I went back and removed all mention of ancient artifacts from all of my auctions. Thank goodness I eliminated that reference to Stonehenge in the Ethernet card description!
You’ll find 20 auctions, and most of them all have the same semi-humorous blurb at the beginning… at least all the items being sold by the lot. I really didn’t have the patience to write a big clever description for every stack of equipment I was selling.
And I thought I had escaped the wrath of the correction police. And by wrath, I really mean humor. Snap, you owe me a monitor, as your comment caused beer to spew forth from my lips, followed by a thunderous laugh.
On a more sarcastic note, nice way to hedge your bet and use both spellings. Can’t make up your mind? There’s a name for people like us. It’s called Fiddy-Fiddy.
Speaking of sarcasm, Stuff, FUCK YOU for not including me. I really feel left out that you didn’t bring up my constant corrections. You had to leave it to Snap? Yeah, fuck you.
I don’t mind if Mensa and ToppledGod correct and lambaste me, because I know that they are better than me in every way. They can’t help but try to make me more like them by showing me how much worse I am than them in front of my peers. My heroes!
I also don’t mind if GonzO, while trying to show me the error of my ways in a debate, implies that I should have reached the same conclusion he has by conceding, “Milton, you’re a pretty smart guy, so…”. I don’t mind because I know that someday, if he keeps saying that, I will evolve and come to understand his Truth.
I, myself, have been accused of being a nit-picker when it comes to grammar. I have taken that to heart and curtailed such behavior down to a minimum, and never in a confrontational way. Perhaps I give myself too much credit? If you think so, ask yourself when was the last time Milton corrected your language skills meanly, and with an audience. Hopefully your recollection will show great improvement in this area. If not, let’s talk NICELY about it. Many of our group correct each other. I’m trying to not do so in a demeaning way. If you think I’m not doing a good job, give it a second thought. If you still feel the same way about it, you have my permission to call me on it. And, if you’re not a dick about it, you just might help me see it your way.
And while I’m NOT on the subject… when did the Official Snap-Haters Club form, and where did you get such lovely newspapaer pirate hats to wear in your Treehouse? Can just anyone join, or must one already have a superior attitude when it comes to PC skills, job hunting, and sophistication in general? Christ on a Cracker!
(The previous statement was paid for by Campaign for a Snap-Friendly Environment, and is in no way endorsed, solicited, or pre-approved by Snappy J. Snapperson, Esq.)
all of this bad talk about punctuation and spelling is gonna bring us bad comma.
ChickenScoop, now that was awesome.