(a lone figure walks up to the podium in a smoky room filed with people)
"Hi, I’m DmentD."
(the crowd speaks as one)
"Hi DmentD!"
"I’m an internetaholic. I have been for so long that time is a blur. I can’t even tell you when or how it started. I’m a hopeless lost cause. You see, I didn’t come here for redemption, reform or rehabilitation. No my brothers and sisters, I came here to reaffirm my addiction – to bask in it’s soft radioactive glow."
"I love the web with all it’s useful and useless information. I relish the fact that I can shop from home, while away the hours then turn around and push a big red button that does absolutely nothing. Ahhh, bliss."
"Email is another great form of entertainment too. I can keep up with my friends, write stinging commentaries to my congressman and learn how to enlarge my penis – just like John Holmes. Spam is the greatest sometimes. Have any of you actually read some of the stupidity that hits your inbox? It’s hilarious."
"I live for filesharing – well, partaking from people who share files anyway. There are one or two really good P2P programs out there that make my life complete. I just can’t get enough of my favorite animated shows, TV series and old martial arts movies. I can collect them to watch at my leisure and trade with my friends. I won’t go into the whole music side of it."
"I’ve only just scratched the surface, my friends. You should give up this folly of giving it up and join me in my pride."
(someone approaches the podium from the darkness of the room)
"Gonzo, what are you doing here?"
"Uh, Stuff, when we say that this is an internetaholic support group, we meant that we’re helping each other to use the internet more frequently and efficiently."
"Ah, I see. So I don’t have to hand out these porn-site password leaflets then – you know, as an incentive to fall off the wagon?"
"What? Are you on crack? Of course you have to. Do you forget your audience? We’ll just call them… door-prizes."
"Solidarity, my brother."